Perhaps too many. I think that's why my batteries don't last. Sorry camera, I didn't mean to doubt you, take you into the shop cause I thought you were broken. It was all my fault. Forgive me.The Science Centre was a little... dated. I thought it was all super cool still but the stuff they had were things that I'd learned about in like Grade 2. You know: the iron filings that follow the magnet, "magical" optical illusions, using wires to
make a lightbulb light up, all that fun stuff. Like I said, super super cool but a little dated. Science must have improved since 1995.
make a lightbulb light up, all that fun stuff. Like I said, super super cool but a little dated. Science must have improved since 1995.I liked the museum though. I think I thought I was at the zoo for half of it though. Lots of cute animals. Lots of dead animals too though, which made me a sad panda. But I still had a good time.
Then we all went to the Olive Garden for dinner and we had a very nice waiter. Like very, very, very nice. I liked him. He was enthusiastic, but not enthusiastic to the point where he was like "Oh I love Olive Garden... Olive Garden is the best... Don't you love Olive Garden?" My dad and I had a waiter at the Keg like that. I didn't like him. But this one I liked. He was genuinely friendly, and he was helpful. Good job, waiter.
I also went to Cora's with my dad for breakfast yesterday. Yum yum yum! Whereas the first time I went there, I left and didn't have to eat for three days, I was hungry by lunch time after eating my gigantic fruit-filled crepe. Mmmm crepes.
Today's breakfast (again with my dad) was not as huge but very delicious. I had a waffle with whipped cream and powdered sugar and strawberries on it. The waitress offered me syrup but I thought to myself, "Maple syrup and strawberries?" and politely said no thanks.
So we set up my new chair! I got a new chair. It's super comfy, not like my old crappy chair. And then my dad left. *Sigh...* I'll be home in two weeks though. Woo-hoo Christmas. I think it will be good to be home. I'm lonely sometimes. I miss my sarcastic little Nina. Two weeks...
I'm torn. I love it here. I love school. I love the city. I love that the bus system actually works. I love the mall. I love the independence. I love that it's something new, an adventure. I love that I'm close to Zan. I love that this isn't high school anymore. I love having a clean slate and starting over and making new friends and meeting new people and doing new things.
But I miss home. I miss the people there and the things there are in Thunder Bay. I miss knowing the city, driving, being able to find my way from place to place. I miss drawing crazy little maps for people who came into Wal-mart asking for directions when I wouldn't know the names of the streets. I miss the mild(er) winters and the people who I was never really "friends" with but who I'd get to see every day at school. I miss having a locker, a meeting place, walking to Alley's at lunch. In the cold. To get ice cream.
I miss AP English, and I miss talking about the annoying girls who sat behind me in French. I miss having to sit on a blue recycle bag in Andrea's little red car when the seat was still wet from the rain.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being silly. It's December. Two weeks from holidays. A little belated homesickness don'tcha think? Yeah. I don't know.
I wish I was confident sometimes. I wish had had confidence and knew who I was and where I was going and what I want to do and who I want to be. Who I am. I don't want to be some 30-year-old housewife because I didn't know what else I wanted. Sure, that would be great if it's what I wanted. I could say right now "I want to be a housewife." In fact, I know people who want to aspire to that and nothing more. And that's fine. That's awesome. Way to go, live your dream. But is that for me? Who knows.
Why am I in university? I owe $3,000+ in January, I'm paying for my degree -- what degree? I don't even know -- and for what?
Why didn't I take Journalism? Because I thought it would be boring? Why didn't I go to UBC or York for Creative Writing? Because I had my heart set on Winnipeg? Because I wouldn't adapt well to Toronto? Because BC is way too far away? I don't even know anymore. I just feel so lost. I miss knowing these things. I miss it so much.
I do love it here, I do. Minus the extreme coldness. Minus the lack of trees and lakes. Minus the countless firetruck and police car sirens. I do.
I love school, I love my religion professor. I love the few friends I've made. I love my building, my room, my floor. I love that a big city like Winnipeg has a $2 movie theatre for cheapskates like me. I love Zan and I love that he lives here and I love that I see him so much. I love being able to talk to my mom -- sometimes -- without fighting about unfed dogs or messy rooms or lights left on or dishes that haven't been done or when I'm going out and when I'm coming home.
I like the diversity here and I like the experience of living on campus, at school, being able to wake up an hour or less before class, finishing breakfast with 20 minutes to spare, and still making it on time. I like the break from not having to worry about a job, where I'm supposed to be and when (though I do wish I could make some money).
Everybody just seems so sure of themselves. So sure of what they want to do, what they are interested in, their opinions, likes, dislikes, you name it. Everyone. Am I the only one who's not? Do I even like English or am I just good at it? Do I even want to write? Do I want to write fiction, be an editor, a journalist even? Maybe I'm not a good writer, a writer at all. Maybe all this time I thought I could write I couldn't. I got 100% on my independent study for Writer's Craft last year; my teacher gave my story to his wife to read. So what? Does that mean I'm good at it? Or did I just get lucky a few times?
Where is the passion, the spark, the motivation that once was there? Maybe it wasn't real. Who knows. I don't know. What a surprise.
*Sigh.*
Okay. I feel better. Thanks for listening. Tune in next week.
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