Quetico trip

Here are the pictures from our Quetico trip this year. We started out at Beaverhouse Lake, portaged into Cirrus Lake, paddled up to Sue Falls and back down Cirrus, portaged into Quetico Lake and then back into Beaverhouse. Sorry, I didn't label the lakes or anything in the photos.

They're not the best pictures cause they are scanned from prints-- we used a film camera.

Use the +/- buttons to speed up or slow down the slideshow. Enjoy!

Bittersweet

K guys, I officially got into the BFA degree program at U of M! Woo-hoo! *champagne glasses clinking*

But man, oh man, is next year going to be stressful! SO. MUCH. SCHOOL.

I'm putting a schedule together as we speak. I'm trying to get a timetable worked out now so that I can just come home from camping and register and relax. No hassle.

Here's what my schedule is looking like so far, and honestly, it's about the only thing that I can get to work out:

*All the courses on here are mandatory except French. Even if I dropped French though, there's not much flexibility in the rest of it. Sigh.

Monday
3:00 pm -- 6:00 pm: Basic Design

Okay, not so bad. This is a three hour course though that I have to take three times a week. Yikes!

Tuesday
10:00 am -- 11:20 am: Introduction to Art
1:00 pm -- 2:15 pm: French
3:00 pm -- 6:00 pm: Fundamentals of Drawing

A little worse. School from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm. Eight hours of school. Fundamentals of Drawing is another three hour course, three times a week.

Wednesday

11:30 am -- 2:30 pm: Fundamentals of Drawing
3:00 pm -- 6:00 pm: Basic Design

Not bad for number of classes, but not only one three hour class-- two of them.

Thursday

10:00 am -- 11:20 am: Introduction to Art
1:00 pm -- 2:15 pm: French
3:00 pm -- 6:00 pm: Basic Design

Basically, the same as Tuesdays. So not one eight hour day a week-- two of them.

Friday

11:30 -- 2:30: Fundamentals of Drawing

Again, not so bad.

I was hoping to work it out so that I would only have to go to school 4 times a week, but it doesn't look like that will be happening. If I don't take French, I think I can make it work, but I don't know. I want to take that course, but I guess I can always take it second year (or third year? I don't know what year I am in anymore. It's my second year of university, but my first year in my program... hmm...)

Also, I was looking at taking Fundamentals of Marketing because I want to get into advertising, but I think I might put that off until second year or at least second term. I found a course second term that I could just tack onto my Monday and Wednesday mornings. But it means starting at 10:00 instead of 3:00 or 11:30, and still going til 6:00. I don't know if that's worth it or not, but if it will still work out on my schedule I think I'll register now, and if by the end of term 1 I think, Hey, I can handle it, then I'll take it. If not, I will drop it. Easy as pie.

Mmmm, pie...

Haircut?

I've decided I want to chop my hair short again. Here are some haircuts I am considering (Nina says they are all the same, I don't think they are):

I am leaning most I think toward the first one, but maybe a little longer so that I can wear it somewhat messy like the second one. I just like that you can see the layers in the third one.

I am scared that I don't have the face for it though. I mean, I know my hair has been short before, but never this short. Also, I think my face is kind of boyish already so I don't want to look like a little boy, you know? I don't know. We will see. I haven't completely decided yet.

My mother loves long hair. I don't know why. Anyway, she told me today: Why do you want to cut off your hair? Your hair looks so nice long. You're going to look a boy. You're going to look like you're twelve years old. If you get it cut, do it when you go back to Winnipeg cause I don't want to look at it!

Ugh.

Not that big a deal, Mom. It will grow back.

But I'm excited. I like having long hair cause I feel I can do more with it, but I'm too lazy to ever spend the time. Yes, if I cut my hair short, I will have to style it every day, but it won't take as long. And I can wear cute little barettes and stuff, hehehe.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Let me know yours.

I'm sailing away...

It's days like these I wish I was rich. I wish I had a big, big boat or a private jet and I could just hop on in and fly or sail to the other side of the world. Go visit Australia or something, just get out of here.

I am just so sick of certain people who feel the need to make themselves feel all high and mighty by putting me down and taking out all their regrets and angers on me. Sorry, that's not why I'm here. I am not a human piñata.

I am so sick of being yelled at, of being blamed for absolutely everything. And I am so sick of you.

It is not my fault that you are unhappy with your life, and you have no right to bring me down with you.

How many weeks?

Yes, ladies and gentleman, I have been home a total of three weeks. It feels like such much longer, I know.

Updates, updates...

I got that second job I'd been crossing my fingers about. I like it. I enjoy it for the most part. Obviously, I have no experience whatsoever in the field of graphic design, so understandably, it's not as 'exciting' right now as my imagination would like it to be, but I get to see a lot, and that's what I really wanted out of it: the experience. Now I'll be able to put a graphics company on my resume, and regardless of my jobs there, that's still pretty cool. But, as I said, I am learning a lot about everything, and my working there will be very beneficial. I get quite a few hours too, so that's nice considering our hours have been cut back in the lab (that makes me sound like such a scientist). Anywho...

My portfolio is sent, sent, sent; going, going, gone. I wish I would have taken a photo of all the things in it. I think I have a good chance of getting in. Honestly, I do. But I still keep my fingers crossed just in case. I will know by the end of May, early June whether or not I've been accepted. And because I know you are all bouncing and waiting at the edges of your seats to find out whether or not I have been, I decided I will let you guys know when the time comes.

Until then, please, please, please keep your fingers crossed for me. I really, really want to get in.

I have decided the dates for my camping trip with my dad and Nina (July 4-9) and also my trip to Winnipeg (July 17-19). I am very exciting for July. It will just whiz right by. Here is a list of everything that happens in July:

• July 1- Canada Day
• July 4-9- camping at Quetico
• July 11- my 19th birthday! Woo-hoo!
• July 15- my mom's birthday
• July 17-19- my Winnipeg trip
• July 25- my aunt's birthday
• July 27- my dad's birthday
• July 30- my cousin's birthday

So, you see, with all the events going on, July will be a breeze. Which is good, but also bad. I like July. I like summer. I don't want it to be winter again.

Also, Zan left today. He was visiting for a couple of days. I miss him. Yesterday he and I went to Boulevard Park, which was nice. It was warm- not too cold for being right on the lake. Is Boulevard a lake? A pond? I don't know. But I had fun... except when he took my hat. That made me a sad panda. But other than that, I am a happy panda to have been able to see him. I had a fun couple o' days. Now, another two months. Sigh.

But.. I will have a good summer. I will, I will, I will. And I will be accepted to U of M and will return in September, when I will have my VERY. OWN. ROOM.

Ontario

Here is my first blog entry since being home for the summer in Thunder Bay.

Unfortunately, it is not that exciting.

I am working as a photo lab technician again this summer at Wal-mart. There are a few things that are different, but I think a lot of things are the same. Everything slowly came back to me so I don't think I should have too many problems. We have a cool new machine to burn CD's and eventually DVD's. I had a lot of fun watching it.

School update:

I ended up with a C in statistics, which is pretty decent considering I failed the exam. And with the A I got in french, which was six cr. hrs compared to statistics which was only three, it didn't really bring down my GPA all that much. So, I might not take it again. I haven't really decided yet. But the good news is I can afford not to if I so choose.

My portfolio is coming along nicely. I have the minimum 9 works, and now I have the 3 mandatory projects done as well. So, really, I think I could submit it right now if I wanted. But, because I am getting my digital works printed tomorrow, even if I mailed it tomorrow night, it wouldn't be mailed out until Monday. So, I think I'm going to wait the weekend, try to finish painting my tiger, maybe do a couple other drawings or something, experiment, and then I'll send it out Monday morning.

It's not due till Friday so I won't have to even pay so much to express mail it overnight- which is what I was worried would happen because I felt like I had so much left to do when I left Winnipeg.

I still feel a bit overwhelmed with all the things I have to do. I started "renovating" in my room, and it's a terrible, terrible mess. I had to post-pone my cleaning because of the portfolio. I got back Sunday night and since I've already worked two shifts, I have another shift tomorrow, and I have somewhat of an interview next week.

But, once I get through all that I am sure this summer will be exciting and relaxing. Yes.

Number two

Exam number two went much better than exam number one. Phew.

Lots and lots of writing though! The exam was 15 pages (two full pages were lines and I think like three half pages were lines as well) and boy, does my wrist hurt from writing. The bright side: I had something to write.

Another bright side: school is officially over. "Hoo-rayy!" says Sharon Osbourne.

However, that means I must leave Winnipeg. I must go home, which I am excited about. Yes, yes. But, I am also sad to be leaving. I had a great first year here. I will miss the independence. And Zan lives here. So I am sad to leave him as well. I will miss him.

But, I will be back. Have no fear! And I am very excited to have my very own room next year, even if it does have a small window and (apparently) isn't that nice a building.

I am not, however, excited to be taking stats again. *Sigh*

Sweet!

I found my favourite poem I've ever written today!

I wrote it in Grade 12, for English. Based on a scene in the book Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. Somewhat a disturbing scene, actually, but it was an awesome book. You should all read it.

Here's my poem:

Four knocks pounding.
A door flies into the room
Like a bat from the fire.
With unsmiling jaws and iron thighs,
They enter.
Icy eyes pierce my soul.
Careless feet march past her body: limp, broken.
Arms like cannons grip me,
Arrest me.
His words resound in my thoughts:
Not me -- an echo -- oh, no, not me.
He, a murderer! I, without a pass,
Trapped in this web of injustice.
Her empty eyes call to me;
There's only one catch.

Now back to studying...

U of M has flooded!

A walk around campus

Frustration

STAT 2000

I failed my statistics exam. I haven't gotten the full mark back, but I did correct my multiple choice questions this morning. I don't want to share my embarassing failure of a mark with everyone on the Internet, so I'll just tell you that it was very, very bad.

So, the mark I got on that part of the exam brought my mark in the class up (down) to 50 per cent. If I can get 10/15 on the long answer, I will pass with a C in the class. I left 3 of the 5 questions blank, so I doubt this will happen.

...which means that I get to take the amazing Stats 2000 again next year. Woo-hoo!

It bothers me because I was doing so well. I had passed Stats 1000 last term with a B+, I was getting A's on most of my assignments for Stats 2000, I got a 75% on the midterm. Then I go and fail the exam. It bothers me.

Summer employment

I'm still trying to figure out a summer job. I am playing phone tag with a company right now that does advertising and graphic design. I would love to work there, or with any graphic design company. See what it's like. Make sure I like it before I go to school for another four year.

It's looking sort of promising, sort of not, but I will know if I have a job by Friday. If not, I'll probably end up giving Wal-mart a call and try to see if they have a job for me this summer. I enjoyed working there, but I'm sort of disappointed that I won't get my design job.

I'm thinking about going to get my Smart Serve (is that what it's called still?) at the college this summer. Do they offer that in the summer? They must. Then I can like, waitress at the Keg or something. Make tips.

FREN 1200

I have a French exam on the 24th. I wasn't scared for it before, but I'm kind of nervous now after my statistics exam. Because when I went into that exam I wasn't nervous at all; I thought I knew everything. So I'm worried I will study my butt off for French and think I know everything and fail that one too.

I know this won't happen, actually. But I'm still a bit worried at the back of my mind. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out that way. I have an A in the class right now and I'd hate to lose that. I need a 78 on the exam, I think, to keep it.

Wish me luck.

Grade B student

I've discovered that university is not harder than high school. That's not why an A-average high school student comes to university to discover she's a pretty consistent B. No, no. It's because in high school, you have crummy little mark-boosting assignments. Your mark can be based on over 30 different assignments, papers, quizzes, tests, etc. That's if you do one thing every week.

In university, your mark is based on like, five things. Or less. I had an essay this term that was worth 35% of my mark. High school essays are worth what, ten? Fifteen? Not 35. Statistics exams are worth fifty percent. That's half. High school exams are worth thirty percent. Because there's more of that little work for you to do as a grade buffer.

In my Statistics courses, you get five assignments that are each worth 3% of your overall mark, a midterm that's worth 35% and a final that's worth 50. So even though I'm getting A's on the course work, I still come out of the class with a B+ because 85% of my mark is exams. Sigh.

Also, I find they mark harder. In religion courses, to get an A, you need an 86%. Ninety-five for an A+. Some departments and faculties are a bit easier, but in comparison to high school, where an A is anything over 80%, it's tough.

So at the end of first term when I got my final grades and they were two B+'s (I only had two courses that were 3 cr.hrs., two classes went all year and I had a spare), I was SO disappointed. I got A+'s in high school.

Now I don't care so much about those letter grades. B is a pretty good mark when you think about it. Plus, I can't change my grades so why waste time worrying about them? And in four years when I'm trying to get a job as a graphic designer, no one's gonna care about my letter grades if I can produce quality work. As long as I get my degree, I will be happy with a B.

Lazy Justine

I've been getting pretty lazy with my posts, guys. I don't mean it, I swear. School is busy and whatnot- trying to work my portfolio to get that in on time. I need nine pieces. I have more than nine total, but I have seven that I would actually want to put in my portfolio. So really I've only got to do two more. I would like to do more. Who knows? Maybe something I do later will be better than one of the seven I have already. Not really sure how it's gonna end up.

I'm excited for Fine Arts though because there are... no final exams! So really, all I would have were exams for any other courses I might take (French, Creative Writing, etc., except there is no exam for Creative Writing either) and that means that I could arrange my classes so that all the elective courses I took (which I actually don't need any more of) that didn't go all year were second term. That way, no exams at Christmastime. Yay!

Going back to an earlier post, I finally got my and Zan's cake to upload! I don't know why it wouldn't let me before, but I've been trying nearly every time I post, and it never ever works. But today, it did. So let's be thankful.

This is our cake. Isn't it beautiful? And yummy?

I thought so.

Anyway, I believe I am going to go finish cleaning my room and try to paint some.

Portfolio update

Here is my newest creation. Hahaha.

Tell me what you think. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Privacy

I got my own room next year! Woo-hoo! I'm super excited, as you can tell.

My room will be in University College, which everyone seems to think I got stuck with or something, like no one would want to live there. I don't know. But no, it was my first choice. It's a single room -- which is what I wanted -- and it's cheaper than living in Speechly again. Actually, it's cheaper to get a single room in UC than the double room I've got now.

Plus, I won't have to eat at Pembina Hall all the time. Sweet.

So this is what my room will look like next year:

It is approximately 125 square feet, says the Housing and Student Life website. Which isn't bad, because I measured my double room and it's about 180 square feet. so it's just like, 6 feet shorter (cause my room isn't square) but the width is the same. So I'm happy.

You may notice the small, small window. But that's okay. I don't care. I had a huge window this year, and I didn't really care for it.

Reasons I don't care about having a big window:

• a big window let's more cold in in the winter time
• a big window let's more sunshine in on weekends when I'm trying to sleep
• there is nothing to look at out the window anyway
• a big window means there's more of a chance that someone is looking in

So, I don't really mind having a small window. I like that it is right above the bed, though ... if the diagram is right. The diagram that I looked up online for the double room I have now isn't exactly the same as what my room looks like. Plus, every room is a little different anyway. So it might not be exactly correct, but if it is, I really like the idea of having a little window above my bed.

I am excited.

So I will pay my $500.00 downpayment next week and hope I get into my program.

I don't think I have anything to worry about though. I'm not too worried.

Some things I'd like to do

...in no particular order:

1. Write a song
2. Sell a painting
3. Write a cheque to a children's hospital
4. Go parasailing
5. Dig up a fossil
6. See a comet
7. Go scuba diving
8. Save a life
9. Write a book
10. Get a tattoo
11. Get laser eye surgery
12. Fly a plane
13. See a lion in the wild
14. Catch a firefly
15. Kayak with the dolphins in Hudson Bay
16. Have a conversation with a gorilla (sign language)
17. Ride a unicycle
18. Horseback ride on a beach
19. Climb a palm tree
20. Love my job
21. Buy a house
22. Swim with a dolphin
23. Hold a tarantula
24. Have lunch with a stranger
25. Swim in the ocean
26. Go to a ballet
27. Learn ballroom dancing
28. Play an instrument
29. Drive across Canada
30. See the pyramids
31. Ride on a ferry
32. Walk in the rainforest
33. Get married
34. Have children
35. Have a second honeymoon
36. Have a walk-in closet
37. Have a fireplace in my bedroom
38. Have a bed with a canopy
39. Become physically fit
40. Buy a car
41. Win the lottery
42. Win a contest
43. Be less forgetful
44. Watch a sunrise
45. Watch a sunset
46. Run in a meadow
47. Go on a cruise
48. Join a club
49. Take a gondola ride in Venice
50. See the Eiffel Tower at night
51. Have dinner in Paris
52. See the Sistine Chapel
53. Live to see the discovery of life on another planet
54. Spend a year traveling
55. Travel in Europe
56. See a zebra in the wild
57. Drive a racecar
58. Learn the constellations
59. Have a garden
60. Walk through a hedge maze
61. Walk across a swing bridge
62. Have a salt water aquarium
63. Own a bakery
64. Have a food fight
65. Go to my high school reunion
66. Eat a whole tub of ice cream
67. Have a huge bathtub with stairs leading up to it
68. Make a video diary
69. See New York
70. Go to Disneyland
71. Meet a celebrity
72. Take singing lessons
73. Start a trend
74. Find my passion
75. Teach overseas
76. See wild elephants
77. Buy a one-way ticket
78. Get hypnotized
79. Have fondue
80. Learn to figure skate
81. Try clam chowder
82. Teach someone something
83. Inspire someone
84. Be confident
85. Stay awake for 24 hours
86. Go to Sea World
87. Do something spontaneous
88. Be successful
89. Graduate from University
90. Climb a mountain (that isn't Mt. Mckay)
91. Teach an animal a trick
92. Find buried treasure
93. Find a message in a bottle
94. Send a message in a bottle (or balloon- saw that on Oprah, lol)
95. Stay in bed all day
96. Help a friend through a crisis
97. Create a new dish (ie. food)
98. Follow a tv series
99. Attend a wine-tasting party
100. Invent a new word
101. Have someone look up to me
102. Test drive a vehicle with no intention of buying it
103. Meditate
104. Visit a monastery
105. Take a tour on a double-decker bus
106. Sell something ridiculous on Ebay
107. Find a wallet and return it
108. Have lunch with a homeless person
109. Participate in a pie-eating contest
110. Ride in a hot-air balloon
111. Have a pet hedgehog

...that's all for now. Till tomorrow.

Beating the system

Don't tell anyone, but...

I bought art supplies today and got an $18.00 package of pastels free because the cashier forgot to ring it through!

I would have gone back, I swear, but I got all the way home before I noticed.

Sweet.

On another note, I saw Zodiac Saturday night. It was very scary, especially because I know that it is real. That it actually happened. That the guy was never caught.

I was hoping it wouldn't be a horror movie and would be more of a murder-mystery type movie. It was for the most part, a murder-mystery, but they did show three or four killings. Only two were graphic, and one was quite possibly the most disturbing thing that I've ever seen [the one by the lake, for anyone whose seen it- I won't give away any details for those of you who haven't]. I was eating fudge- Zan and I went skating Saturday afternoon on the river at the Forks- I think it's Red River- and I bought fudge- and when they showed this murder I had to stop eating my fudge. I felt sick. It was morbid/disturbing.

But it was nonetheless a good movie and I think that you should all see it. One of the main suspects in the case was played by the actor who plays Drew Carrey's brother on the Drew Carrey show, so it was sometimes hard to take him seriously, picturing that character and Mimi and everything.

But it was a very good movie and I did enjoy it.

Invisible Girl

I'm sorry!

I know I haven't posted in a very long time, and I'm sorry. I know you have all been sitting on the edges of your chairs, biting at your fingernails, just craving another post from Justine. I'm sorry to let you down; it won't happen again.

Well, it might.

Actually, it might happen right now.

I really don't have much to write about.

My professor did not find my statistics assignment. So what he did to make it "fair" for me, rather than taking off marks that I don't deserve to lose because I handed the assignment in, even if he has no record of that ... What he did was take the three percent that my assignment would have been worth and tack it onto my midterm exam.

So, basically, my assignment didn't count for anything, and instead of being worth 35% like it says in the syllabus, my midterm was worth 38% -- great if I do awesome, not so great if I fail.

So I get to my exam and there are ... only 28 questions. Thirty-eight percent of my mark. Twenty-eight questions. Okay.

Anyway, I ended up getting seven questions wrong, giving me a 75% and losing me 10% of my overall mark.

I later found out that the class average was only 74%, so at least I beat that. I felt better after he told us that.

Oh!

Zan and I baked a cake! From scratch. It was a terrific cake with three layers of vanilla cake with a strawberry-strawberry jam mixture in between each layer. And we whipped the cream ourselves! It was a lovely cake, and I wish I could show you, but Mr. Blogger apparently isn't being nice to me for some reason and he won't let me attach pictures to this post. I will try again tomorrow or something, see if he will let me then.

Other than that, I don't think anything très excitant has happened since my return to the "windy city." That being Winnipeg, not that other windy city.

I want to see The Number 23. I think it will be good. I mean, obviously the whole story, the whole part of the movie that has to do with the number 23, I don't think that will be good. But the movie itself -- as something to entertain me -- and Jim Carrey and his acting and just the fact that it's a scary movie with a trailer that actually looks decent for once ... and Jim Carrey. I think that it will be good, and I don't care what you guys say.

Well, I care what some of you say.

But don't you think it will be good?

I sure hope so. One day when I get some money, I would like to see it.

On a related topic, I may have a summer job. I won't talk too much about that now, because it's not a for sure thing, but it is out there. Oh, it's out there. So wish me luck!

[...Good luck, Justine!]

Hotel adventure

So, my flight back to Winnipeg Sunday at 3:20 was cancelled.

They were transferring all of Air Canada's passengers to Bearskin, but by the time I got to the airport, all the Bearskin seats were full. We had called like an hour and a half before we actually went to the airport -- we were having lunch at the Hoito with Zia Mary and Jeff -- and they told us that there were no Bearskin seats available. But, it turns out that was because Air Canada reserved all of the leftover seats for passengers from my flight that was cancelled. If we had only said that we were from that flight, I would have got a seat.

But, alas, I did not. And all the flights from Thunder Bay to Winnipeg Monday morning were full as well.

They decided they would put me on a plane and fly me to Toronto, give me a hotel room for the night, and then fly me to Winnipeg Monday morning.

So I went to the airport -- my flight left at 6:40 I think -- but my plane was delayed an hour. So I sat there with my dad and Nina and her friend and we had Tim Horton's. I had hot chocolate with whipped cream. I like the Tim Horton's here though, on campus, because they put chocolate shavings on top of the whipped cream when you get a hot chocolate. This one did not.

So I finally made it onto the plane -- we left at about 7:10 -- and we landed in Toronto at 9:00-9:10, about that. I was supposed to go to Customer Service to get a bunch of vouchers: one for the hotel, two for the shuttle bus there and back, and a meal voucher so I could eat. So I went there, and there were about seven or eight people in line. Six computers at the desk. But only two people working. Awesome. And they were taking like 10-15 minutes per person. We probably moved at a rate of one floor tile every half hour. It was terrible.

So I waited in that line for an hour and a half. Finally, I got my vouchers. The Customer Service counter is still on the "secure" side of security, so at this point I hadn't even gone out to get my suitcase. Over an hour after my plane landed.

So I went out and they have three carousels for baggage, and I didn't even know where to look for my suitcase -- the girl at Customer Service told me it should still be on the conveyer -- so I had to wait in another line up (only about five minutes though) to ask the baggage man where my bag is supposed to be. His response: "Shit, you've been here how long?"

He told me Carousel 1 and I went and found my bag. Then I left and went to find something to eat.

But, no one told me that all of the restaurants are on the secure side of security. And the ones that were on the other side were all closed, because at this point it's 11:00 PM.

Then, after I was frustrated about the food and the waiting in line, etc., I got onto an elevator that was going up when I wanted to go down to get to the shuttle buses. At this point I was just so stressed and, I'm not going to lie, I cried a little bit. Dragging my suitcase along. I was tired and hungry and frustrated and I just wanted to go to sleeeeep.

Considering it's now 11:00 and I was supposed to land in Toronto at twenty after eight.

Anyway so I go outside and I wait 30 minutes for this stupid shuttle. The hotel I stayed at is called Four Points Sheraton, I think. Anyway. So I get onto the shuttle bus, and I'm the only one, and the driver tells me how the man who got out of the shuttle bus when I got on had got onto the wrong shuttle bus so she had to drive him back to the airport so he could catch the right one.

What an idiot. Right? Let's continue...

So I get to the hotel. I go to the front desk. I give the man my last name. He looks it up. "Could it be under another name?" No, I say. Air Canada is paying for it. I have a voucher.

"Oh, is it green?" he asks.

It's blue.

There are two Four Points Sheraton hotels in Toronto. The shuttle buses are exactly the same, but they have different addresses written on the side door. Go figure.

So I hop back onto the shuttle bus and go back to the airport. It's 11:45 now.

I find three more estranged people -- one girl had already gone to the wrong hotel. The other two were about to get onto the wrong shuttle but the driver saw their vouchers and said something to them.

So we wait, and we wait.

About 12:05 AM now, on Monday, the correct shuttle arrives. We cram like a good 12 people into the bus, which is just a van with three bench seats. We go to the hotel.

As hectic as my night was, I liked the hotel room. It was nice. I took some pictures.

This was my bed. Mmmmm, comfy.

I got three hours of sleep. I had to be at the airport at 5:30 AM to catch my 6:30 flight to Winnipeg this morning.

They put me in first class! I've never been in first class before. I was excited when they booked my ticket Sunday afternoon but by this hour I was just so tired and so frustrated...

So I slept. I think I was sleeping before take-off. I slept right through the meal. The stewardess came and asked if I would like my meal though, when I woke up... but it was salmon and I said no.

The chairs were pretty nice. I couldn't figure out where people got those tables though -- I eventually found it: they're hidden in the arm. They just fold right on out. They're neat. I liked them.

Anyway, I was happy to get to Winnipeg. I rushed to Stats to hand in my assignment. My prof still hasn't found my first one, so I have to go "chat" with him on Wednesday. Sigh.

Then I wrote a French test that I did pretty decently on, I think.

Now I'm going for lunch.

Can't sleep

As most of you might probably possibly know, this week is Reading Week for me. I'm home. I'm in Thunder Bay. Until Sunday.

I just finished watching How to Deal with my sister. I'd forgotten I'd seen it before. I saw it with Carly in theatres. I think. It was a kind of decent movie -- better than I remembered, anyway.

Bad pre-teen movies really get me going. I get very emotional, philosophical. So, as a result, I am left lying in bed wide awake. Can't sleep.

Some days I wish I could just turn around and become someone else. Not because I don't like who I am, but because I think that maybe I would feel more passion if I was in someone else's place.

Not that I'm not happy, or in love... I am very much both. But ask me the question, "Who are you?" or "What are you like?" and you probably won't get a very meaningful response.

I tell myself I know who I am and I'm not insecure or confused, but a part of me doesn't believe that. A part of me thinks that maybe I just tell myself that I know who I am and that I'm confident and certain because I wish that I was. Or maybe because I've accepted that I don't know who I am, that I have no passion, no dream, no "This is who I am and this is what I believe in and this is what I want to do for the rest of my life," no "I've known since I was a little girl," or "It's a dream I've always had." No "This is an issue that's really important to me," or "I truly believe in this," or "I volunteer in my spare time," or "work to save the sea lions."

Everyone in the movies has a passion. A gift, a talent, a dream, a goal, a purpose. A passion. I don't really know what mine is. Or if I really even have one. How do you know?

Sometimes I just wish I could be somebody new. Or if I couldn't be someone new, change drastically. Wake up one morning, cut my hair, throw away all my old clothes, buy new ones. Create a style. Something that when people see it they'll just nod and say, "That's so Justine." Something unique. Something me.

Something so that when people think of me or talk of me -- assuming anyone does I suppose -- they'll be prompted to say things like, "Wow, Justine's a really good artist," or "Hey, Justine's a great writer," or "Justine's just a really funny girl, always tellin' those jokes." Something. Anything.

The sad part is, I'm not confused. I don't sit here all day wondering who I am or trying to change myself. Ironically, even right now as I sit here typing about how I want to be different, I don't really want to be. I know this is all in the heat of the pre-teen movie drama moment. I don't want to change. I like me, I tell myself.

Yet I still don't know who I am.

I guess the sad part is, then, not that I'm not confused, but that I don't seem to care. I'm happy confused. It doesn't phase me. Doesn't bother me.

Maybe I say I want to change because I want to want to change. I feel like I should be unsatisfied and should want to be different. Maybe I'm just ashamed that I'm not unsatisfied, so I try to cover it up by pretending like I am and want to be different.

Why am I so worried about what everyone thinks?

It's like when I give someone a present and make sure to say, "I don't think you'll like it," even when I know they're gonna like it. Why do I do that? I make up reasons -- you may have heard them. That's not the point. Why do I play mind games with myself, in my own head?

Maybe I'm really sure of myself and happy with who I am, but tell people I'm not sure of myself because I'm worried that if I tell them I'm happy with myself, they'll just be like "Oh, really?" and then go behind my back: "I don't know why that Justine's so sure about herself. What has she got to be satisfied with?"

Maybe it's like that.

I'm sleepy now.

Night world.